Am I a hypocrite? I fight this feeling every morning I publish one of these reflections on Facebook. Am I forcing my spirituality on people who would rather just see pictures of birds or my children? I feel like I am standing on an electric street corner praying just so I can be seen by others. It’s a feeling only made worse when I review the “likes” during the day.
Am I a hypocrite? It’s the feeling that overwhelms me every time I preach a sermon. Am I telling people to live in a way I cannot? It feels like I am publicly exposing the weaknesses and failings of the others while hiding my own faults behind a wall. Would you be mad at me if you knew in every sermon I included a reflection of what I do not like about myself? Would I be exposed as a hypocrite, a person less holy than you thought?
The world wants authenticity and all I can give them is hypocrisy. I’d prefer to go into a room, close the door and talk to my Father in secret. Then my Father will reward me in secret and no one will have to know. Besides, the sermons I preach quietly in my head are always my best ones.
Keeping my thoughts locked away in a room may feel more spiritually authentic, but it also feels like punishment. Children get sent to their rooms for punishment. Prisoners get sent to solitary confinement as punishment. It is destructive to force people to lock themselves away.
I will continue to write regardless if you read. I will write not for my own sense of worth or authenticity, but to speak the words you need to hear. That is, you are not alone. (Mt. 6: 1-6)