The Love You Share
Authentic Love Never Asks Others To Endure Much
by Eric Elkin
“He keeps borrowing everyone’s shoes.” This was a counselor’s concern about a child in his camper group. It had taken a couple of days for the problem to work its way to my attention. I was the camp director, and I did not want to handle every minor issue in a camper group. My preference was to only deal with the big problems. A camper using other people’s shoes was one of those big problem issues.
The camper was borrowing shoes because he only brought one pair of flip-flop sandals to summer camp. The strap on those sandals broke on the first day. With no other alternative for his feet, he asked to wear other camper’s extra shoes. After a couple of days, the other children started getting frustrated with his request. It was then that the counselor figured out what was going on.
When I found out, I called the camper’s parents. I spoke with his mother. “Your son only brought one pair of sandals to camp, and they broke,” I told her. “He will need shoes to make it through the camp session. How do you want us to handle it?” Her response was short and to the point. “He was responsible for packing his things. If he forgot to pack shoes, that’s his fault.” Then she hung up the phone.
She never gave me a chance to say, “Yes, but he is only seven years old. How does he know how to pack for two weeks in the woods?” Instead, I went into town and bought him some shoes and other things he needed. When I delivered him the goods, he got a big smile on his face and asked, “Did my mom get these for me?” I said yes. Don’t tell me lying is a sin.
I think of this experience every time I hear people complain about helicopter parents. Given a choice, I would rather have an over-involved parent than one indifferent. The incident also frames how I think of love as a verb. What does it mean to show love?
1 Corinthians 13 is where our romantic notion of love collides with the practical application. After years of working with abused children, I cannot read this passage without a certain amount of cynicism. My experiences working with domestic abuse victims also shape how I receive these instructions.
What I want you to consider is how you show love. If the love you share is patient, you will probably never force anyone to put up with much. Inpatient love can be very demanding. If your love is kind, then its recipient will have little to endure. However, love that is not kind can be very destructive. If your love asks for others to do more than you are willing to give, then maybe it is arrogant.
Abuse is resilient. It can seem impossible to control or to be defeated. Yet, nothing can expose the weakness of hate like genuine love. Nothing reveals the emptiness of anger like authentic love. If your love places an incredible burden on others, then maybe it is not love. If this is the case, perhaps it is time for you to rethink and reshape the love you share.
Click to read 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Reflection Questions:
When has receiving love felt good?
How was that love shared with you? What made it feel good?
How does that love compare to the love you share?
When is patience good and when can it be bad? Can it be bad?