The Monster At The Door
Photo by Angelo CARNIATO on Unsplash
Trust Quiets Our Fear Of Not Being Enough
by Eric Elkin
My morning begins in prayer. I often change the resources I use for this discipline. Lately, I have been using Pray As You Go, a British Jesuit podcast created to help people commuting experience a quick burst of prayer. It is a fantastic resource that I highly recommend to everyone.
Monday, the reading was about Cain murdering Abel. This kind of scripture passage makes meditation difficult. What hopeful thing could God be saying to us through a murder story? Worse, I entered the time of prayer after reading about a 15-year-old boy stabbed to death in a St. Paul, MN, high school. Then another story about a beloved kindergarten teacher found dead. Her estranged husband was arrested for the crime.
We desire faith to be an escape from the reality that holds our hope hostage. Yet, the truth is the Bible delves deep into the frailty of the human condition. Some modern critics think religion is the source of hatred and violence in the world. I would argue hatred and violence are consistent human behaviors regardless of individual spirituality.
The Monday morning devotion forced me to wrestle with a story I tend to disregard. Why did Cain kill Abel? Perhaps the answer could help me understand why a husband would kill a wife, or one student would take the life of another.
The story seems to suggest Cain killed Abel because God rejected his offering, but that is not the case. Cain is the firstborn, the child who gets all the attention. However, Abel is the one who offered God a special gift. The fat of the firstborn animals was the most precious. Cain's sacrifice was ordinary. All God did was recognize Abel's exceptional present.
Close your eyes, and picture this scene in your mind. The oldest son, who stands to inherit the largest blessing, is not recognized as exceptional. Instead, God chooses to recognize the youngest first. History is full of stories about children getting angry about who a parent loves more. It's just that these experiences don't always end up in murder.
God takes notice of Cain's response and says, why are you angry? Are you afraid you will not be accepted as well? That is the key to the short story. Cain is worried that God cannot bless him and Abel as well. So God warns Cain and places control in the oldest brother's hands. You can do good or bad; it's your choice. Just beware of the monster at the door.
The monster at the door is insecurity. It's a beast that tries to convince all of us we are not enough. The voice is so powerful it can force us to believe God is mean and cannot be trusted. It will tell us not to look at the gift of life freely given but to complain, like Cain, about unfair favoritism.
Have you ever heard this monster growling in your life? I have. Whenever I think I am not enough, I hear the barking at the door. God can quiet the beast, but the silence comes from us trusting that God is good and generous to all. Trust turns our suspicion and anger into praise. It opens our ears to hear the truth; we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.
Click to read Genesis 4: 1-15
Reflection Questions:
When have you felt unloved?
How did you respond to this feeling? If anger, how much of this anger was hurt?
What can we do to overcome feeling insecure about ourselves?
Is God’s love enough for you?