Forgiveness Is An Essential Christian Practice

by Eric Elkin

“Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?”

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— Matthew 18:21

Church was boring to me as a child. I remember my brother and me trying to find a hiding place in our house so we wouldn't have to go. Looking back, it was a foolish exercise. Our house was so small. Where could we possibly hide and not be found? And, what parent would leave the house not knowing where their 4 and 5-year-old sons were?

Eventually, I learned to surrender to our Sunday morning ritual. But giving in does not mean enthusiastic participation. In truth, I was only biding my time until college, when I could live independently and be set free.

A funny thing happened on the way to freedom. The boring words of the liturgy had found a place deep within my heart. A place so deep I could not flee them even when I was not in a sanctuary. And the most important words of all were those of Confession and Forgiveness.

Even now, I speak them to myself at random points during the week. "We have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart: we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves…" The words of the liturgy do not stop with a confession. They are not complete until you hear, "Almighty God…forgives us our sins…you are forgiven" That is the moment we are truly set free.

“Forgiveness is above all a personal choice, a decision of the heart to go against natural instinct to pay back evil with evil.”

— Pope John Paul II

Forgiveness is a fading core value in the Church of the 21st Century. We prefer "sin identification" over freedom from sin. Subsequently, forgiveness is eroding in the culture surrounding the Church. Look, listen and read the signs visible around us. We solve problems with laws and punishments, not forgiveness.

When was the last time you read an article lamenting the lack of forgiveness in the culture? Can you recall a demand for a group of people to have more chances at redemption? We are good at revealing the mistakes, sins, and faults of others while hiding our own. Mercy is a gift we prefer to receive and one we are reluctant to share. Yet, Jesus never lets us off the hook. Forgiveness, both giving and receiving, is essential to following and being a disciple.

Even as I write these words, it is important to note. Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. It is not granting freedom for abusive people to remain abusive. On the contrary, sometimes walking away from destructive people allows forgiveness to reform your heart in love. But that is a whole different reflection.

Today, I just invite you to consider the role of forgiveness in your life. Do you need to receive it? Perhaps, you are the one who needs to grant yourself forgiveness. Then consider the people in your life. Is there someone you need to forgive? Maybe in speaking the words, you both will be set free.

Click to read Matthew 21: 18-34