When A Heart Feels Like Stone
Photo by Pierre Bamin on Unsplash
God Will, And Can, Give You A Heart Of Flesh
by Eric Elkin
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
What are your most reoccurring dreams? I used to have a dream where I was falling. The vision would end just before I hit the ground. Then there was a dream about my paper route. In the dream, I have to collect money from my customers. However, I had not been delivering them their paper for months.
The worst of my recurring dreams is haunting because it really happened. When I was a sophomore in high school, I needed to have my tonsils removed. A year earlier, I was diagnosed with mononucleosis. My tonsils inflamed then, but the doctor thought it was due to the “mono.” When the doctor realized my tonsils needed to be removed, they had hardened.
The source of my most haunting dream (which some might call a nightmare) came from my tonsil surgery. The anesthesia had not fully taken effect in my body when the surgery began. I was aware of my surroundings and could feel pain, yet, my body was rigid as stone. My instincts told me to scream or move to let the doctor know, but I could not make my body do what it wanted.
After the surgery, I told the doctor about my experience. He discounted my memory as hallucination, a common occurrence among patients. Then I proceeded to describe the entire prep process for the surgery and parts of the conversation he had with the nurses. I even described the difficulty he had in removing my tonsils. His reaction confirmed it was no hallucination.
“Let our hearts be stretched out in compassion toward others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path.”
My post-COVID restriction life can best be described as paralyzed. My spirit knows what it needs to do, but my movements feel like they are restricted by anesthesia. My heart feels like it is made of stone. This does not mean I feel cold and lifeless. No, my heart is paralyzed by the conditions surrounding my life.
I wonder how many people feel this same way. Perhaps you have a heart of stone and do not realize it. How often do the experiences of these past two years shape your decision-making process? Maybe you back out of things you used to do without thinking. Or, you take bigger risks just to prove your defiance.
If this describes your condition, then maybe the words from Ezekiel will inspire you as they did me. “I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” In the Hebrew world, a heart did more than pump blood; it was the source of your intellectual and emotional life. To them, the heart also guided our choices. A heart of stone cannot function, but a heart of flesh is free and full of life.
How do we get this heart of flesh? Pray. Move with the sole purpose of convincing your heart it can move. Trust that new life is not only possible but accessible to you. Open yourself up to the need for transformation. I am confident that if we both do these things, the peace which passes all understanding will break our hearts of stone.
Click to read Ezekiel 36:23-28
Reflection Questions:
What is your most recurring dream? Why do you think you experience it?
How did COVID restrictions impact your life then and now?
How has it changed your life and living?
Where do you experience a heart of stone? And, where do you experience a heart of flesh?
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